An essential step in the manifesting process is realizing your life is completely within your control. The initial feeling tends to be exhilaration; a feeling of, “You mean I can actually have all that I want – all that I have felt bad about not having?” There is such a thrill to realize you aren’t a victim of your circumstances, you can change all that has caused you angst.
Once the initial euphoria has passed, there often comes a time of realization that if all is within your control and it is your responsibility, that means what you have faced in the past, the good and the bad, were attracted by you as well. This stage is what I call, “Oh, God, what have I done?” It can be ugly to look at those things and accept responsibility. It is so much easier to be victim to your negative circumstances, not responsible!
Here’s where perspective comes in handy. I am sure you have been in a tricky situation with another individual in which you could understand what she was thinking even though you didn’t necessarily agree with her. You could see her perspective even though she perhaps couldn’t see yours. You had a higher perspective. In a sense, you could see the situation from above, understanding both parties’ perspectives.
To explain perspective, I like to use the analogy of looking out of a building at a street. When you are in the basement, looking out narrow casement windows, all you see are feet walking around. Your only perspective of the world is feet because that is all you see. You think the entire world consists of merely feet. Now move up to the first floor and look out. First of all, you have larger windows you can see out of; you have a bigger view. You also can see more because you are up higher. Now you see that the feet are connected to people and your view of the world broadens. But you still think the world ends at the end of the block because that is all you can see. Now head to the roof where your vision isn’t obscured by windows at all and you have a full 360 degree view. You can now understand that people are only a small part of this world. You get to see that the road continues way beyond the block. In fact, you can see that the road continues to the horizon.
Now, let’s apply this analogy to your victim/responsibility situation. From the basement window you see your problems as everyone else’s fault. He did this to me. She took advantage of me. You know what it feels like and I am sure you have someone in your life who has this perspective (or even remember you having it as well!). It is extremely negative. From the basement we are victims of circumstances and very little is within our control. It feels horrible down there because your world is very small and very scary because you are at its whim.
Now let’s move to the first floor. At this stage you are able to take responsibility for the ugly in your life as well. This step is excellent and essential to really living fully a life of manifesting. Where we go wrong from this limited first floor perspective is in thinking, “Oh, that means it is my fault.” We were blaming someone else in the basement, now we just shifted the blame to ourselves in a misguided first step to taking responsibility for the ugly things in our life. Shame and self-judgment often accompany this step as well as denial. Often people stop here and just assume manifesting doesn’t apply to these situations (or perhaps hope that it doesn’t apply since the self-judgment is too painful). Taking responsibility for even the “tough stuff” is an essential step to really living the life of your dreams, especially since the “tough stuff” usually represents where you want to change what you are attracting into your life and until you take responsibility, you will never be able to attract better things. You will just continue to be a victim.
Take yourself to the rooftop. It is from the roof that you then can see with a huge perspective. Get yourself above recriminations; the blame of yourself or others. This perspective is way beyond blame. It is about responsibility. From the roof you can say, “Yes, I see this situation is my responsibility. It is not my fault.” I hope you can see the subtle difference. Fault is blame, responsibility is spiritual maturity.
The responsibility is saying that nothing happens in our life without our creating it so I must have created this one. So why would we ever create icky situations? First of all, know that you are not doing it consciously. These messages are being sent out unconsciously, just as your message others are responding to is also unconscious. Let me give you an example. I had a client who wanted a new job. She received an offer quickly from a job she thought was her dream. The offer they came back to her with was so low she felt like it was a kick in her stomach. She thought they weren’t appreciating her and didn’t understand what she needed. I then proceeded to add more to her angst when I said, “So, you attracted this offer. How much do you feel you are worth?” She was initially quite taken aback by the question until she realized that she didn’t feel she was worth much. In fact, she took her special skill set quite for granted. She was a quick learner and changed her attitude in that moment. She received another job offer within two weeks for twice the salary she had been offered in the previous position.
Now, the people involved in setting her offer in the original proposal weren’t sitting around thinking, “What can we do to irritate her? What can we do to squash her self-esteem? How can we take advantage of this situation?” Of course not! They were, though, responding unconsciously to the vibration she was sending out unconsciously.
Okay, so the first step in understanding your responsibility in creating “icky” situations is to realize that you did it unconsciously. Step two is to find the lesson for ourselves. Realize that these situations are here to help us refine the message we are sending out into the world. You are striving to be a better human being with a better life – to be more loving, peaceful, calm, kind, whatever you want for yourself, or to have a partner, great job, better health – that is why you are interested in manifesting in the first place. Negative situations are here to help us learn where we are not sending out an ideal message. My client has refined her self-worth. She actually commented later that shifted her “value” monetarily helped her find other areas in her life she had limited herself.
There is one final benefit to taking responsibility – you can stop the “lessons”. What challenging situation have you had to relive over and over again? My client realized there had been many situations in her life in which she felt others undervalued her. She was being given the opportunity, again and again, to learn that it wasn’t their issue, it was hers. The lessons just became louder and louder until it was the proverbial kick in the stomach she needed to see what she was doing to herself. I often hear people say they attract the same “bad” mate or the same “bad” job. It is the message they send out that brings them the same situations over and over and they will continue to suffer until they change their message.
Remember, it is all good! The things you would define as “bad” or “challenging” are just there to help you make things better. They are gifts of learning and as such are an incredible blessing. Each “icky” situation is a call to refine your message and to make things better and better in your life. Go ahead, take responsibility. See it from the rooftop, be grateful for the opportunity to refine the message you are sending out.